I love my kitty so very much. She is the sweetest thing. Funny, a bit dumb, sweet and playful and cuddly.

I love her but I have to give her up, and this is tearing me up.

She has a couple of behavioral issues. She doesn't like change, to be left alone too much, new people living in a house that she already lives in, or other cats. Her most frequent method of showing displeasure is peeing on beds or places of personal space. Its quite a list I know. What she needs is a stable house, one with possibly an older person who is home a lot, can pay attention to her and isn't making huge changes in their life. Or maybe just a big safe backyard and someone to put food out for her once in a while.

I talked to vets when I lived in Pittsburgh, and they told me there really wasn't much I could do but wait and maybe it would work itself out. It's been about 2 and a half years and talking to the vets today they agree with the first and think that I could try things but that they most likely wouldn't work.

Personally, with everything that has been going on in life lately I can't deal with getting my hopes up and continuing to try again. Ammy who has been gracious enough to take care of her for me for quite some time can't and shouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

I'm going to have to give up my sweet Nym and I hate that. Since she has been living at Ammy's (do to Kevin's allergies) I think that now is the time to give her up. She isn't hear everyday so I'm less attached. I still love her as much, but she isn't a part of my everyday life and while its still not easy, I think this is easier than if I started having her living with me again and then had to give her up.

If anyone knows of someone who is willing to take on a very sweet but rather difficult cat, please let me know. I'm currently making phone calls and will prolly try and deal with this today or tomorrow cause I won't be able to take dragging it out any longer.

I recently had a lovely evening with Ali in the small town of Winters, CA (near Davis and Sacramento). Winters is the cutest place, very small town old fashion. Its places like this that remind me of being back east, it relaxes me a bit.

After a very yummy steak, salad and butter (I list the butter and not the bread because well this butter was heaven, I can't really explain the bliss that is this butter. You just have to experience it. And I recommend you do) at the Buckhorn restaurant. It was lovely, even with all the animal heads watching us devour one of their own.

Tummies full and dreams of butter dancing in our heads (I mean it, once Ali turned to me and said "did you say butter?". She was serious! *grin*) we walked across the street to the Winters Opera House. Upstairs in a large old storefront building we found a good-sized room, lined in brick walls, a mural of old ads for local businesses, and a great old stage. Folding chairs had been lined up facing the stage. The front row also included three small circle tables which no one was yet sitting at. Ali and I grabbed the one front and center to prepare for the show.

The evening that in-sued was amazing. The first act, a local group called The Joy Buzzards was a hoot. Three middle aged men with a grand series of instruments: a aluminum standup bass, several good banjo's, a ukulele, a saw, a well used jug and a steel guitar to name a few. The songs were fun, the guys were cool, and I already have permission to visit and photograph the lovely instruments.

Jolie Holland was the headliner act. She was the reason we drove to the little town of Winters in the first place. Ali found Jolie when she was featured on NPR one day. She bought the albums and soon played it for me. I loved it and felt seeing her live was exactly the relaxing experience I needed. I was right.

Jolie Holland has a voice like an angel. She sounds much like Billie Holiday with a smokey, bluesy sweet voice. Also kind of Nora Jones like, but she really does have her own style. I loved her, and I really enjoyed sitting there in the front letting her voice just wash over me.

It was a lovely evening I hope to repeat very very soon. Everyone should check out the music of both of these artists. If you can't find Joy Buzzards music (I haven't really looked yet, I did buy a cd) let me know and I'll put you in touch with the group. Maybe I'll put a sample up on here sometime soon.

Butter on my tongue and a voice like butter in my ears... such bliss!!

Anything you want to tell me feel free!!

I have often said I would be a bad mother because any time something amusing happened I would have to photograph it, whether its bad or good. I would never endanger the child's life, but a little extra discomfort of the sake of a amusing picture is worth it right?

Anyway, Kevin found this story of a parent who seems to follow my philosophy and I just have to share!!

"I was working in the office this afternoon (from home) when my daughter Aubrey came into the house to inform me that Justin was stuck. Well, the kids often play that game with me and as I was engaged in my work I didn't feel the need to rush out to check. I told Aubrey instead to tell Justin to get himself unstuck. 20 minutes later Aubrey returned to let me know that Justin could not get himself unstuck and that he was very sad. I decided to check it out, annoyed, and to my surprise Justin had managed to slide himself in between the two mailboxes and wedge himself tight. I had to climb up on top and pull him out and it was a struggle at that. Morale of the story, Sometimes kids are actually telling the truth!"

Thank you to Automags.org for this one.

I was going to write a post today about how tender my tush is after yesterdays deep tissue massage. (I swear its day two and I can't move without feeling it. Good masseur). But you have all been spared, mostly, because of an email I received this morning.

I have been taking photography classes online from Betterphoto.com for several months now. This site was recommended to me by local freelance photographers and employs renowned photographers from around the world. Last semester I took a class on Mastering Exposure with Bryan F. Peterson. The class was great and I really learned a lot. During the class I photographed "Painted" and posted it as a piece in one of my homework assignments. At Bryan's encouraging I submitted this photograph in the contest that Better Photo has monthly.

14249 entries in the contest and I'm really proud to say that I am one of the 305 finalists!!!!!

So I made the first cut. Over the next few days the judges will be choosing the winners. I'm excited!! Wish me luck, I'll let you know how I do.

I'm laying in bed, laptop on my stomach, typing and smiling. I finally feel like there is a room in the house that is virtually complete. Our bedroom is quickly becoming a serene relaxing place that I really want to spend time in. In fact I spent a good chunk of today in here!!!

After weeks of sleeping in other beds more often then my own and only being home for a couple days at a time, just long enough to dump stuff, repack and deal with one or two needed things before heading out again, it became clear that the mess that is our house was becoming overwhelming. The truth is that even though we have been here almost a year we haven't ever really moved in. Sure I can make the house presentable for company, but there are a large number of bookshelves that just have books and junk crammed in them every which way. And the bedroom often has a laundry basket full of folded cloths that no one really knows where to put away. In general nothing (except the kitchen) is organized. Its hard to function in a house that does let you function.

ALI IS A GODDESS!!!!

So finally, after returning to not only our normal disorganization but also the huge mess of "we have barely been here" I was nearly ready to cry. Luckily I have great friends. Ali offered up a house cleaning exchange, she is helping me organize my house now, and next week I'm going out to help her do hers.

We attached the bedroom on Tuesday. We sorted cloths, got rid of stuff, organized, and did all sorts of picking up. Krissy came over for a while before we went to The Green to dance. We had a great time! Kevin came home later and we kept him up quite late going over clothing and showing him what we had done.

Over the last two days I have done a bit more in the room, gotten rid of some more stuff, bought a second night stand and a cool bookshelf. Kevin and I have done a little decorating, and have brainstormed what else we want to do. We are actually decorating, most of the rooms in our house don't have things on the walls, or have only make shift things on the walls.

It feels so good to be in this room. Kevin also got a new toy, some kind of airport or the itunes/ipods. He set it up in the living room and the bedroom so I finally have music in the bedroom too.

I'm in heaven, I might never leave this room again!!!!!

Oh, but wait - my Ali is coming back tomorrow and we are tackling the living room!!! I feel the weight lifting off my body. It all feels so freeing. Its amazing what a little organization can do for the psyche.

On the up side...

Kevin and I saw Sarah McLachlan Saturday night. It was exactly the kind of calming beautiful evening I needed.

We sat about 30 seats back at the Berkeley Greek Theatre. The evening was a little cool, but we had sweatshirts and a blanket. The night was beautiful and throughly enjoyed the stars and the sky above us. I only wish I were laying on a hill for this concert.

When I was in high school I used to go to concerts at the Finger Lakes Community Arts Center. I never bought actual seats, I always sat on the lawn. The nice thing at FLCC was that they let you bring a picnic. But the best part really was having a blanket and the sky above me. I could dance if I wanted to, or I could lay on my back and stare at the sky and let the music just rush over me like water.

Good music and a clear sky are two of the most wonderful things in life. I'm considering tickets to see Norah Jones and for that one I will get lawn seats. I don't need to sit in a chair. In fact I'm often against chairs. And I'm very much against being crowded into a little space. I don't need to see the artists face, yeah its quite cool to be up close, but what is really want is just to hear their voice and the instruments and let it all soak into my skin.

Last night (the 11th) was Kevin and I's 1.5 anniversary. Silly I know... but I'm a hopeless romantic. We had a beautiful evening. I picked up some food and we had a picnic at Google and watched the Space Station pass over us on its revolution. Then we drove down to Redwood city to catch site of a Iridium Flare. The flare was pretty cool.

On our way home we tried to find a coffeehouse that we could have a nice drink and play some card games at, but nothing stays open late anymore. Its very sad!!

Overall two nights in a row that were more relaxing than stressful.

I love my boyfriend! And I love life! Ups and downs and everything. :)

So I'm getting my thoughts and feeling out, both bad and good. Lets start with the downside and get it over with.

Kevin's sister Susie or his mother call a little two close together or at an odd time and my blood pressure jumps up a few notches. Kevin's does too, I can see it. Sometimes it happens when the phone rings even before I know who it is. Kevin answers, everything turns out to be okay and tears run down my face. I can't help it, its a release of emotions I don't know how to deal with.

I'm on edge all the time. In the back of my mind I see any nice moment, anything that I'm enjoying, and I know it can collapse at any time. I know its supposed to be over with. The funeral is over, life should be going back to normal, and hopefully it will soon. But a year ago it was supposed to be over with as well. I guess I shouldn't expect it to be over, its life it doesn't just stop cause I'm tired.

So I'm ploughing on, but just about anything can make me jump out of my skin at this point.

Anything you want to tell me feel free!!

We have returned!

I am so happy to be home. I slept soundly all night last night for the first time in weeks. Between changing beds every few days and stress and worry it no wonder neither Kevin nor I has slept well. I have gotten into the habit of whenever I toss and turn between 6am and 8am that I just get up. For some of you thats not early, but I'm not a morning person. This morning however I didn't get out of bed till 11!! I'm still tired, but I feel like I have actually gotten some rest. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So what has been going on in the last week? Well here it is:

We had planned 5 day trip with 17 members of the Fox family to Kevin's Uncle Alan's house on Brown Island (Brown Island is a small island in the bay of Friday Harbor, in San Juan island off the coast of Seattle Washington). With everything going on this was a trip and a chance for a break, rest and relaxation that Kevin, Carolyn, Susie and I really needed and yet it was very hard to make the decision to go and when to go.

Go on time, leave early, go late, many plots and plans were made. Grandma Kitty was finally put on a morphine drip and went into a coma. We decided to go ahead and keep in close touch with those at home. We left on the morning of July 2nd, as we sat down for lunch Carolyn received the phone call that Grandma Kitty had passed. We were able to stay on the island since the holiday weekend postponed the funeral until July 8th.

The island was wonderful, many many pictures will be going up. Two albums from the fourth of July parade are already up; the fireworks are following in a day or so.

While on the island we went on walks, stalked deer, dragonflies and butterflies, shopped, cooked, ate, read, laid around, got on the boat, grounded the boat, visited a lavender farm and a sculpture garden, shopped, cooked, ate, read, laid around, saw the fireworks and the parade. Really just relaxed and spent time with the Fox family.

We celebrated Kevin's birthday with homemade eggs benedict in bed, which is his family's tradition, made by his mother, sister and I. We rode a scootercar, and did 4th of July things. Being away we were able to escape some of the outside issues and enjoy his birthday somewhat. I still plan to have some kind party for him sometime in the future, but I'm happy to say that in the midst of a lot of saddness and loss, a few moments of happiness were possible.

We changed our return flight and flew down to LA on Wendesday with everyone else so that we would be there for the visiting hours that evening the funeral a 1pm on Thursday.

The service was beautiful. A professional singer friend of Carolyn's sang during the service, Kevin and I made a photographic slide show set to music performed by his cousin Janice and Carolyn's Sweet Adeline group sang at the grave site as well. It was a celebration of her life with music and photographs and many friends and family around.

Kevin's Aunt Joanne remarked afterward that there weren't a lot of tears. I don't mean there were none, it just wasn't a mass of people crying. I think that most of us had already said goodbye to Grandma Kitty, she had been leaving us for a while and towards the end she wasn't really there anymore. The service was a beautiful tribute to her life, but I know I had already cried most of my tears, there weren't many left in me. I don't mean to make it sound unfeeling or uncaring, I think its just that when a death is long and drawn out the funeral is almost as much a relief that things are over as they are a celebration and closing of a beautiful life.

Anyway, I'm looking forward getting back to normal life, and sleep with many less worries. I know that the memory of Grandma Kitty will live on in the minds and hearts of many.

Anything you want to tell me feel free!!

So here is a update on my life:

Grandma Kitty passed away the morning of July 2nd. We are currently in Brown Island (as has been planned for months) and will be returning to LA directly from here on Wednesday. The funeral will take place Thursday morning and we will return to our home Thursday evening. Please send your love and wishes to Kevin and Carolyn and the rest of the family Thursday morning. Just a moment of thought or a special hug for your own Grandmother will do.

In other news, we are having a lovely and relaxing time in Brown Island. Where is Brown Island do you say? Well, Brown Island (also known as Friday Island) is a tiny residential island (only about 40 houses) located in Friday Harbor just off San Juan Island near the coast of Seattle Washington. Does that answer your question?

We are hear on a woodsy island near a nice small town just relaxing and enjoying life for a little while with about 15 other members of the Fox family. I am currently sitting on a very cozy couch in a wonderful sitting room which is open into what is incredibly close to my ideal kitchen. This HUGE beautiful kitchen has been my playground for the past few days while I got to make basically whatever I wanted for an adoring family who just loved that I was cooking. Unfortunately I didn't come prepared for this so it was a lot of off the top of my head while I walked through the market meals. But next time I will be prepared.

In addition to cooking I have taken a couple nature walks on the island, stalked a deer, putted along on a scooter car, attended the towns 4th of July parade (nice and small and reminded me of home), enjoyed a wonderful fireworks display sitting only about 300 feet from the barge that set them off: it was amazing, celebrated Kevin's birthday, did some shopping, jutted around on the boat and did a lot of nothing!!!!! This is a wonderful wonderful place.

I have pictures to last me for weeks and so you will begin seeing new albums coming in quickly I hope. The first may be today or tomorrow!

The only downside to this trip so far is that the spiders are still stalking me. The spiders we are finding at home have been getting bigger and bigger, but that have yet compared to the one I found in our bathtub this morning. Gak!!

Anyway, I hope you have all been having a lovely 4th weekend, more to come soon.

Anything you want to tell me feel free!!